Anaconda (2025) Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az8M5Mai0X4

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE DISCUSSED FILM. READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

They say it’s never too late to follow our dreams, but we should also think ahead while we’re at it. 


PLOT


2025’s Anaconda is a meta reboot that follows wedding videographer Doug McCallister, who always aspired being a professional filmmaker in Hollywood. When he reunites with his oldest friend, Ronald Griffin, who makes a living as a background actor, he shares that he got the rights to the titular 1997 film they enjoyed watching in their youth and wants to make their own reimagining together. After hesitance, Doug officially gets onboard with fellow friends Claire Simons and Kenny Trent. Doug will write/direct, Griff will star with Claire and Kenny will do cinematography. With a small loan, they book a trip to Brazil and hire snake handler Santiago Braga for the sake of having a live snake on set. They’re also accompanied by a young lady named Ana Almeoda who claims to own the boat and almost cancels their trip until they convince her to let them accomplish their dream. The trip does go well when the crew shoots alot of content, but it backfires when Griff accidentally kills the snake when being afraid of doing a closeup shot with it. He tries making it up to Santiago by looking for another one at night, but it backfires when he loses him in the woods. That would be because he gets swept by an actual giant snake their movie is based off of. Griff does tell Doug he can’t find Santiago and it leads to the whole crew leaving the boat together, only for them to the big snake themselves. They escape from its clinches thanks to Ana leading them to safety, but Doug would be so impressed that he would add her to the movie to the point of Griff’s character not having purpose. Things would then take another turn when the indie crew encounters another professional crew Sony Pictures shooting an official reboot for Anaconda, meaning Griff never had the IP rights like he said. Griff admits he lied because this was the only way to follow the dream with Doug since he didn’t go to Hollywood with him and resents for it. Out of spite, he quits the film and abandons ship. He goes to hang out with the Sony crew, only to find them immediately decimated by the snake. Just as he goes back to his friends, Doug, Claire & Kenny discover Ana is on the run from authorities as an illegal gold miner. One officer finds them as she finds the gold she’s after, but he gets shot by Griff who mistakes him to be a threat. Ana then holds them all at gunpoint and demands gold to be gathered but when Doug refuses, Claire takes advantage to disarm her. At that moment, the miner gets crushed by the snake. Just as Doug apologizes for letting Griff down, the snake targets him too and swallows him before regurgitating. Believing him to have died, they use his body as bait to get back to the boat. The plan does work, but Doug wakes up and reaches the boat in time as well. When passing through the wrecked film set, they encounter rapper Ice Cube, one of the actors from the Sony production, who gives them weapons to fend for themselves before finding other crew members. The group of four are able to successfully kill the snake with the use of pyrotechnics, propane tanks and a flare gun. When they get back home, the finish editing their movie and release it in a local festival. It doesn’t get a theatric release due to a cease-and-desist letter from Sony. This doesn’t trouble them because Claire & Griff would find happiness together getting engaged and Kevin posts his selfie Cube who had told him not to. The film would end with Doug meeting Jennifer Lopez, who starred in the original film with Cube, reaching out for a whole new reboot of Anaconda, causing him to faint.


THOUGHTS


I love creature flicks and I enjoy meta humor, so I was definitely seated with what director Tom Gormican and cowriter Kevin Etten would bring to the table. The 1997 creature flick is a guilty pleasure kind for sure, so I knew expectations were low and that was enough for me to still enjoy it. They were still copying the angle of Jaws where the less we see it, the more exciting it’ll be. It may have worked in the 90s but if you already know what you’re in for, that move didn’t have to be done again. The visual effects still look great on the main attraction of the titular snake, as well as what was supposed to be the live one. I’m still surprised seeing the latter get killed by boat propellers. I even respect Sony is able to make fun of itself and the entirety of 21st century Hollywood how originality is mostly slacking. I won’t try calling this movie the best thing ever because it’s not at that level, but it is somewhat inspiring to me because this tale was more than following your dreams, but also about how realism can be better than routine, as that is something that is helpful in becoming adaptable to surroundings and not doing so would only made it harder than you already know it. That is the case when following Doug & Griff who are at a midlife crisis and want to live life full to the fullest by making something passionate to them for the first time before it’s too late. Jack Black is great as the former because he still has the artistic drive, but chose to be realistic in his endeavors, knowing that the industry is a train that doesn’t stop running. He was happy getting to be a family man, having a wife & son to go home to, but since they too supported what he always wanted, he knew time was ticking thus going for it when he did. Paul Rudd kept things interesting as the latter because Griff was the more bitter one disappointed that things didn’t go as planned. He’s grateful to have a job in the industry, but background work was never what he had in mind. He was playing it both ways in wanting to get himself on notice while also recapturing the nostalgia where he was at his happiest. Once he saw it was wrong for him to be dishonest, he did right by his friends in having their backs even if it meant shooting the wrong guy or slaying a snake in over the top action. If you ask me, most of the drama could’ve been avoided if he checked where Sony would shoot their movie or even bothered practicing to train with live snakes before the shoot. He still came home rewarded because he got to reunite with long lost love he never thought he’d achieve. Thandiwe Newton fit into the mold very well as Claire because not only does she enjoy being around film buffs, she’s got her own determination wanting more with her life after her divorce, hence participating in making the movie. From the second she started shooting with Griff again like when they were kids, it was obvious their chemistry is what makes them attracted to each other, which is why I was pleased to see them recreate a scene from Alien to announce their engagement. Steve Zahn was appropriately the wildcard as Kenny because he’s the only one that doesn’t seem to have direction, but remains loyal to his friends no matter how much he were to mess up. I mean it’d be hard to keep a straight face over the fact he’s so pee shy that he has to do it while sitting down, which is exactly happens to save Doug from a spider bite. That’s just more awkward than not knowing how to check a pulse. The core four definitely kept me onboard, but everything else made it hard to sit through. Of all things I wish Doug would do if he really wanted to be a filmmaker, he should’ve sent demos of wedding videos to studios like Sony. That could’ve done him wonders depending on the studio but at least he impressed J Lo. And I totally remain firm with saying Griff should’ve waited til morning to get a new snake because that’s just as dangerous as shark hunting even when he didn’t know there’d be an actual giant serpent. Another thing would be it felt almost meaningless to Daniela Melchior as Ana, she’s far more two faced compared to when Jon Voight portrayed Paul Serone in the original film. She definitely gives some more intensity than what was lacking whenever the snake was absent, yet it did feel like things slowed when she was present and I wouldn’t say it’s her fault. But the most appropriate feeling that came to mind is that I felt nothing when she died and got edited out of Doug’s movie because she did not deserve any kind of glory if she’s gonna kill for gold. Lastly, I thought Selton Mello was fine in playing Santiago as the erratic one who ideally had his special connection to serpents, hence willing to find another one immediately, but I really don’t think there was a point in knowing his survival in the mid credit scene because it doesn’t do anything for me. Unless there’s a sequel coming to confirm him being helpful however, that’s okay but I doubt that’s gonna happen as of writing this. Other than that, 2025’s Anaconda is in the right scale of being a better creature flick because it doesn’t hold back on its meta narrative in order to remain entertaining throughout. If that’s the combo you’ve always wanted to see in a movie, check this out