Bullet Train (2022) Review

“Fuck Carver”

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE DISCUSSED FILM. READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Life is too eventful to go quiet for just one day. If you doubt that, look at Bullet Train.


PLOT


Based on Kōtarō Isaka’s novel ‘Maria Beetle’, that was first adapted in 2015 by Tomoyuki Takimoto, credited as ‘Grasshopper’ or ‘Batta’, the 2022 film follows a reluctant assassin codenamed Ladybug who has a simple task guided by his handler Maria to retrieve a briefcase full of cash on a train and quickly get off, replacing his sick colleague Carver (Ryan Reynolds). On the train, he takes it from a sibling pair of assassins, Lemon & Tangerine, tasked by Russian born Yakuza, The White Death, to rescue his unnamed son (Logan Lerman) and also deliver the case to him. Ladybug  does discreetly get the case, but gets held up by another assassin codenamed The Wolf (Bad Bunny) who he blames for killing his wife on his wedding day. Although Ladybug doesn’t recognize him despite bartending that day, they fight until the Wolf is killed by his own knife. Elsewhere on the train, the only character to not be an assassin is Yuichi Kimura boards to confront someone who attempted to take his son’s life. He ends up being intercepted by a young lady codenamed ‘The Prince’ who explains she targeted him because she wants him to do her bidding that is kill her estranged father, White Death. To ensure his cooperation, she has a henchman on standby at the hospital where Kimura’s son Wataru is recuperating. When Ladybug recognizes Lemon from a job that went wrong, he offers him the case in exchange of leaving the train alive. When the latter refuses after suspecting him to have poisoned the Son, they fight until knocked unconscious. When ditching him and spiking his water with sleeping powder, Tangerine finds out what happened and splits up with his brother to find Ladybug. The Prince is able to find the case rig it with explosives, as well as Kimura’s gun. Tangerine does reach Ladybug, only to be kicked off the train when they don’t come to an agreement. Luckily, he gets back in without him noticing. Shortly after does Ladybug encounter another assassin, The Hornet, who is responsible for poisoning the Wolf’s wife and the Son with a snake venom. She tries to do the same to him, but he thinks fast by using the venom on her and saves the antidote for himself, leaving her to die of her own weapon. Tangerine would then get killed by the Prince when he suspects her to have harmed his brother. The next person to join the train is Kimura’s father, The Elder, who has saved Wataru from the henchman. With no leverage, the Prince retreats. When she does, the Elder shares with Ladybug that they’ll remain on the train to face White Death, who killed his wife around the time became a yakuza. The odds seem at his favor with Lemon recovering from the spiked water. The train stops at Kyoto where the Yakuza is lying in wait. Ladybug gives him the case, but has no idea Prince rigged it. White Death exposits that he hired the twins and hoped they and Ladybug to kill each other as they’re somewhat linked to his own wife’s death; He was hoping to kill the perpetrator that was Carver, but did not know Ladybug was his replacement. Just as the protagonist tries explaining he ain’t Carver, the case goes off and it knocks everyone back onto the train. As it crashes into downtown Kyoto, everyone would fight each other. Ladybug would survive the crash alongside Kimura & the Elder, whereas Lemon chose to jump out of the train to save the former from the remaining goon of White Death. The Yakuza himself would emerge and try to still kill him, only for him to succumb to Prince’s rigged gun exploding in his face. His daughter then tries to take the kill for himself, but she gets ran over by Lemon via tangerine truck who turned out to survive the fall (proven via mid credit scene). When Kimura & the Elder bid farewell, Maria picks up Ladybug and the film ends with Japanese authorities beginning to clean up the mess made from the crash.
THOUGHTS

I always knew David Leitch can make bombastic action flicks due to his involvement with John Wick and previously helming like Deadpool 2, yet I couldn’t believe how he topped himself in such stakes. The editing & cinematography combo are able to set off the exhilaration for each action scene from start to finish that occurs in the train. The production design & visual effects on the train itself are well done too, bringing the feeling as if you’re part of the whole ride. What really catches me off guard and makes it stand out in the right way is exactly how funny it got. Whether it was Channing Tatum playing a passenger hoping to fulfill a gay fantasy (while also having a copy of The Lost City novel), Nancy Daly being an uptight passenger who was easily annoyed of Ladybug, Zazie Beetz constantly calling Ladybug a bitch as the cunning Hornet, Karen Fukuhara being a clueless concession girl, Lemon comparing everyone to Thomas the Tank Engine characters or seeing the mascot Momonga get punched are just the handful of moments I’m laughing my ass off to. Between all the drama and all the laughs, what I get out of this is its creative way to say that there will always be moments that don't go according to plan, but can still lead to a moment of triumph. That is the perspective I pick up on when getting to follow Ladybug. This is the most optimistic role you can get out of Brad Pitt because playing a seasoned man, he has so much youth into it because he is all about wanting to do less after all he has done. He thinks he has bad luck on his side due to many accidental deaths he's responsible for, but since he's never died himself including his last mission that got far more intense than he prepared for, he is able to accept everything that has happened hasn't been all for nothing. The first person to truly help him see that is the one who was helping from afar. I totally dug Sandra Bullock as Maria because she is straightforward in how he should approach things and is able to be resourceful about things. She probably doesn't agree with how Ladybug sees things, but she makes a big difference just by listening to him. She may be just a superior to him in her eyes, but her going out of her way to pick him up after the crash makes her one unusual friend whether she likes or not. With one familiar friend, he would ironically make new ones in order to survive the trip. Aaron Taylor Johnson & Brian Tyree Henry were a great pair as Tangerine & Lemon respectively solely off of being their own dynamic duo; The former is far more stoic while the latter is instead affable when they're not killing people and what they have in common is the desire to avoid needless casualties. Tangerine likes Thomas the Tank Engine so much because it helps him read people in a deeper approach than first approached, which works at every given opportunity. If he wasn't that thoughtful, he probably would've bitten the dust like his brother. Because he survived, it's a no brainer he'll live on in his honor. Another family dynamic that caught my eye was Hiroyuki Sanada and Andrew Koji who brought something very different as The Elder and Kimura respectively. The former is calm and focused since he knows what he wants, which is long overdue revenge that he ends up getting, but the latter is not as strategized because with his own stakes, he can't focus the way he normally would. He was capable enough to give a good fight like his own dad, but just couldn't handle being outsmarted for the most part. Thankfully, the Elder still had his back when it mattered most and they got to rekindle what was left of their relationship. Their journey would've not been possible had it not been for enemies that were just the worst. Michael Shannon was downright creepy as White Death because for a man obsessed with fate, he is sure quite manipulative that he goes out of his way to orchestrate and over the top revenge scheme, it makes you sure Carver had to fake being sick to get out of the gig. He knew exactly what he wanted, but his decision to be over focused is what led to his downfall. Enter Joey King who brought her own ruthlessness to the table as the Prince due to the neglect she's felt all her life. Seeing her back up all the determination and motivation that was missing from her brother, she felt that she deserved to have some luck. Ironically, she had the luck in rigging the gun that killed her dad but didn't get to see it before her own demise. I really enjoyed about everything that this movie has going for, but even good stuff like this have its handful of confusing moments. For starters, how does Maria not know Ladybug bought sleeping powder if she knew he bought firecrackers? If she had someone buy the supplies for him, that should be clarified. Hell, Ladybug messes up saying the train has six economy cars when she just told him there were ten. That’s dumber than failing to cover up his fingerprints. It’s even on Lemon to not have the case on him if he doesn’t want to lose it. I know the plot has to happen this way, but he could’ve been smarter with it. Also, it’s too big of a coincidence that not once does the concession girl or the conductor (Mass Oka) ever catch Ladybug in action. His stealth is one thing, but that is way too much luck that he was complaining to have lacked. The concession girl is even way too lenient to let Ladybug & Tamberine be in the employee only area of the train despite being paying customers. And where was the alarm after Ladybug & Tangerine got rid of the door during their fight? I mean I imagine the conductor going nuts for this like he was inThe Polar Express. And why didn’t we see Tangerine step off the train the first time? We saw Lemon do it, but it’s odd there’s no real reason why his brother did anyway. Prince doesn’t even sound so sadistic when suggesting to smother the Elder’s grandson with a pillow, when messing with the ventilator could’ve done the trick. Ignore these moments though, then you'll still have an absolute blast. And why exactly did White Death need henchmen on top of the train to finalize his revenge? He’s already got a few in the ground and since he doesn’t know about the bomb his daughter planted, there’s no need to have extra backup like this. In conclusion, Bullet Train is an underrated action film from 2022 for aiming to be more fun than grounded. If that is the kind of preference you want out of action flicks, don't hesitate checking this out.