THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE DISCUSSED FILM. READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The more I think about it, the more I realize some things should have been left alone. Hollywood never seems to get the memo with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise.
PLOT
The 2013 sequel takes place after the events of the very first film. After Sally Hardesty escaped the wrath of Jedidiah Sawyer aka Leatherface, Burt Hartman led vigilant justice towards his psychotic family by burning the house down with them in it, which rubbed the wrong way towards Sheriff Hooper. The only known survivor was the baby of Drayton & Loretta Sawyer (Bill Moseley & Dodie L Brown), who would be adopted by Gavin & Arlene Miller (David Born & Sue Rock), a couple that aided Hartman but were never able to conceive kids of their own. As an adult, the baby would live on under the name Heather. In the story’s present of 2012, she works at a grocery store and lives with her boyfriend Ryan. The truth slowly unravels because as the pair were planning to go on a road trip with her friends Nikki & Kenny (Keram Malicki-Sanchez), Heather finds out of her adoption when getting a letter of her biological grandma Verna Carson (Marilyn Burns) passing away and has left her an inheritance. So, she plans to pick up said inheritance on the way while sticking to her plan of the road trip. Along the way, she picks up a hitchhiker named Darryl (Shaun Sipos). When reaching Verna’s home, she meets her grandma’s lawyer Farnsworth (Richard Riehle) who gives her the keys to the estate and a letter meant for her to read. She ignores it, but chooses to stay the night as her group like how it is and choose to stay the night. When they go out to get groceries, they irrationally leave Darryl to house sit. Little did they know he quickly plans to steal and ransack the place. Just when he reaches the basement, he gets killed by Jed and taken to his room. In town, she meets Burt who is now the mayor and his son Carl (Scott Eastwood) has become a deputy. The mayor becomes surprised of her discovering she’s a Sawyer and considers buying the estate from her, but she turns him down instantly. When returning home, she’d be upset of what Darryl did but don’t find him. Nevertheless, she chooses to brush it off and have a cookout at night. While she looks around the place, she notices how her birthmark resembles a necklace that belonged to Loretta. In the midst of this, Kenny gets abducted by Leatherface as well that leads to his death while Ryan cheats on his girlfriend with Nikki in the barn. Heather panics when seeing the corpse of Verna in the master bedroom and when she goes downstairs, she gets chased by Jed outside the house. She tries hiding in the family cemetery, but it doesn’t stop him from cutting through a coffin with his chainsaw. Ryan & Nikki hear the commotion and distract him long enough for Heather to start the van and escape the place. They end up crashing when Jed is able to slash the tire and Ryan dies in the process. Nikki hides in the crashed van whereas Heather gets chased by the chainsaw wielded to a local carnival. He retreats when Carl halts the pursuit. When brought to the police station, she explains to Hooper (who is still sheriff) what she went through in one day. Carl backs her explanation since he looked through the evidence of the old Sawyer case. Hooper then talks to Burt that Jed is still around when he was suspected dead all this time. The mayor still believes he did the right thing in what they did in ‘73 and is intimidated with the fact that Heather is a Sawyer, considering to kill her and Leatherface. In the midst of their conversation, Officer Marvin (James MacDonald) investigates the crime scene at the estate and follows a trail of blood that takes him inside the property. Reaching the end of the trail to a fridge, he finds Nikki inside. When she screams in panic, he shoots her on accident. And as he tries leaving, Jed attacks him and skins his face for a new mask. Before Burt can even confront her, she leaves shortly after looking at the evidence confirming who was responsible for her bloodline being slaughtered. She calls to meet Farnsworth at a bar who confirms Jed is her cousin who was taken under Verna’s care after the fire due to him being intellectually disabled, as in the IQ of an eight year old. Although he didn’t know about him until four months prior, Jed knows about her due to Verna investigating the ‘73 incident and knew she’d come back. She knew her granddaughter was safer with the Millers, but had always wanted to tell the truth which she wrote in the letter she was supposed to read in advance. Just after knowing the rest of the truth, Burt catches up to her and tries to abduct her which only pays off with the involvement of Carl. He takes her to the old slaughterhouse once owned by the Sawyers and Burt & his friend Ollie (Ritchie Montgomery) tie her up to lure out Leatherface. That pays off due to Jed hearing Marvin’s radio. Although he considers killing her as he gets there, he spares her when seeing the birth mark on her chest being the Sawyer sigil. With Carl leaving, she is able to kill Ollie with a pitchfork and help her only cousin kill the mayor by pushing him into an active meat grinder. Hopper does arrive at the scene, but allowed the casualties and doesn’t arrest the Sawyers for their actions. When returning home, she tends to her cousin’s wounds but he doesn’t allow her to remove his custom mask where he hides his deformity. She then finally reads Verna’s letter which confirms her name to be Edith Rose and Jed will protect her in return for her taking care of him which she decides to do. The film ends in a post credits scene where Leatherface kills the Millers who arrive at the estate wanting to make amends with Heather for the sake of gaining her inheritance.
THOUGHTS
In the year of 2013, the only films of the franchise I had seen in advance were just the original classic and the remake duo-logy, which I enjoyed very much. Due to not seeing the previous sequels yet, I didn’t think it couldn’t be that bad, only for me to realize that this takes the cake in being the franchise’s worst. Director John Luessenhop has to helm the most absurd story that makes no damn sense from the start since there is no one to root for. I can say it was intense seeing the 3D effect of the chainsaw cutting through a coffin, and was unsettled seeing Leatherface sew a mask to his face, but it ain’t enough for me to be interested. You really think you’re gonna enjoy a movie where the most unforgiving villain has over the top sympathy? You’re dumber than the characters we see here. Actor Don Yeager does an interesting take in expressing the iconic character’s recurring vulnerability, but I ain’t gonna excuse his decision to skin people he kills. Nor are we gonna feel bad for the cannibal family that raised him to be slaughtered. Paul Rae did accurately show Burt to be remorseless, but he deserves to feel such because the family would’ve continued their behavior without Jed if he allowed him to be surrendered. The only mistake he makes is relishing on killing Jed rather than just shooting him. Now I know Thom Barry shows him to be Burt’s polar opposite since he wanted to avoid casualties but even he should know that family didn’t deserve the mercy, which makes him look dumb to allow Jed to still be free knowing he’s dangerous. Put aside the miscast for being too young for the part, Alexandra Daddario is another terrible final girl as Heather. Her actions come off utterly confusing. I know the Millers weren’t perfect, but they were better than accepting Leatherface as family which makes it dumb for him to look after him in his elderly state. I know that prevents him from taking more lives, but she does not need to. And the hell she went through could’ve been avoided had she just read the latter sooner. There really was no reason for her to avoid it other than tension’s sake story wise. Hell, I also think the whole story could’ve been different if the Millers told her the truth as soon as she turned 18. And since Burt picked up on Joe she had no idea of her relations, he could’ve told her to make her go away. All of Heather’s decisions related to Jed are straight up dumber than her allowing a stranger that was Darryl to watch over what unfortunately belongs to her. Trey Songz made one shitty boyfriend out of Ryan since he doesn’t try to be faithful despite his regrets and Tania Raymonde makes Nikki a bitch of a friend since she doesn’t care of causing conflict. As if Heather isn’t dumb enough, she don’t even question them being half naked at the barn during their escape attempt. I know they’re in the moment and are focused on the important matter of survival, but even I would question it in the midst of the chase. Ryan honestly did it to himself when thinking it was a good idea drive through a gate. Had he just listened to Heather, they still would’ve had time to escape. I don’t even get the point of Nikki not leaving the fridge sooner. I know she’s scared, but it wasn’t Jed was gonna stay in the basement all day to keep her from leaving. Had she tried, she could’ve saved her own life. The only person I felt bad for was Kenny since he never appeared to have a motive before he was brutally killed. And lastly, why the fuck was the metal door quiet when Jed got the jump on Darryl? I know the point of the scene is the element of surprise, but it’s so illogical for it to not make any noise as it opened. To get this over with, 2013’s Texas Chainsaw is truthfully the worst horror film of the year for not even trying to be a clear narrative to be enjoyable. As a fan of this franchise, avoid this at all costs and stick with the original.
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