The Cabin in the Woods (2012) Review

“Let’s get this party started”

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE DISCUSSED FILM. READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

They say a vacation can help take a step back in our everyday challenges we get hit with in life, that is until we find out some things are supposed to happen
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PLOT


2012’s The Cabin in the Woods follows a group of five college students go off for a weekend retreat. The group includes: sociology major Curt Vaughan who is told his cousin left him a cabin for him to have, his girlfriend Jules Louden and their following friends, Dana Polk, Marty Mikalski & Holden McCrea. What they do not know is that their weekend experience at the cabin is pre-determined by laboratory engineers, Steve Hadley & Gary Sitterson who intoxicate them with mind altering drugs within the cabin to manipulate their decisions. They are one of many factions to complete ritual sacrifices and are now pressured alongside Japan to achieve success or things will go far more awry in their end. Ultimately, Dana’s decision to recite an incantation summons a zombified family, the Buckners. More pheromones are released in the cabin by Sitterson & Hadley that induce Curt & Jules to have sex outside. This would be the excuse to separate them long enough for at least Jules to be killed by the Buckners. When Curt returns to the others, Marty is quickly taken by another Buckner and presumed dead just when he finds surveillance equipment. Curt leads Dana & Holden to drive away into a tunnel, which causes Sitterson to give a last minute tunnel collapse to block them. Curt then tries driving across the other side of the ravine with his motorcycle, only to crash into a force field and fall to his death. When Holden decides to drive the RV and find another way, he gets killed by another Buckner and he crashes into the water. Surprisingly, Dana is saved by a surviving Marty who figures out the Buckners were sent to kill them. He was able to become immune to the lab’s pheromones thanks to all the marijuana he was smoking. Just when the lab is about to celebrate success right after Japan lost, they find out Marty survived as well. Marty then takes the elevator down where he and Dana find various monsters around them, and the latter is able to correlate each one with the totems that would’ve released them. Just when they get out of the elevator, they get cornered by security personnel until recklessly deciding to release all the monsters at once. This kills about all the staff and at one point, Hadley gets killed by a merman that he ironically had been wanting to see in action. As Dana & Marty keep moving, the former accidentally stabs Sitterson, who begs her friend to be killed. They then find an ancient temple where the facility’s director to explain there are worldwide rituals of annual sacrifices to subterranean deities, the Ancient Ones. The ritual is based in sacrificing five people that involve five archetypes: The whore that was Jules, the athlete that was Curt, the scholar that was Holden, the fool that is Marty and the virgin that Dana is labeled despite she’s not an actual virgin due to previous affairs she had with one of her college professors. The order can also remain arbitrary as long as the whore is first and the virgin is at least last one standing if not dead. Just when Dana considers sacrificing Marty, she gets mauled by a werewolf and the zombie of Patience Buckner kills the director just when she tries to kill Marty. The film ends with Marty & Dana sharing a joint together as the Ancient Ones emerge from the ground, deciding humanity is not worth saving.


THOUGHTS


Going meta has been a creative way to shake up horror as proven with Scream, but it feels like an encore when doing so here. Drew Goddard & Joss Whedon succeed in making something that is subversive yet back-shit crazy. There is no way anyone could've predicted a setting where fate is determined for the greater good the way it is here. Your mind basically blows up in shock with the high stack of easter eggs filled with monsters that can work in one story but are put together for endless mayhem meant to be isolated. The combination of practical and visual effects that beings each monster to life is honestly extraordinary to notice one by one. Much like the cabin itself, you sense the Evil Dead homage when seeing a possessed tree attack from the elevator, but that's just the beginning. Not once do I expect a giant cobra, a bat, a unicorn, a clown and a ghost be in the same setting with a demon or a merman. It then can be funny when seeing said demon get defeated by elementary school girls and then the chemistry put between Richard Jenkins & Bradley Whitford was spot on fantastic, due to their characters Sitterson & Hadley being the commentary of what is being witnessed. They're definitely not in the ideal line of work, yet you can still relate being somewhere they don't want to be, which in turn also becomes funny to get through. Talking to an awkward coworker like the Harbinger or having a betting pool on how the victims are gonna die were dead-on the kind of reflective moments that would happen at work because I would make a bet on something happening work-related just to fit in. I just don't think I would bet on death in all seriousness. When you add Sigourney Weaver as the Director, one whose detachment comes from the greater good, it really comes full circle in teaching us in the true meaning of free will because whatever the stakes, we should decide for ourselves and shouldn't be looked at as selfishness for fair game. Nobody on the lab's side wants to be responsible for the lives they take because a part of them knows how bad things would've been if they were unknowingly handpicked, hence the pity you feel when they also bite the dust. Having said this, it gives all the right reason to root for the decided victims whether or not you're sure how it's gonna go. Chris Hemsworth & Anna Hutchinson were easy likable as Curt & Jules because they were outgoing people and were quite bright before the drugs from the lab dumbed them down. The fact they had to be in order to lose proves they totally survived without them and could've found a totally different way to escape without even finding the elevator. It was also pretty cool to see Jesse Williams do something outside his recurring role in Grey's Anatomy because it did feel like Holden he was most reserved and basically trusted the flow that Curt lead. Like the couple, it sucked for him to die too because he was just as harmless and this whole group had no bad intentions in their bone compared to past groups we've seen before/after. Fran Kranz was awesome as Marty because he had the most common sense and didn't really need weed to be self aware as that was just a coincidence for him to figure out what was going on. And Kristen Connolly was believable in the final girl role that was Dana because even she gained that self awareness some decisions weren't worth making. Technically she had good intentions in considering to shoot Marty, but she doesn't go through with it after the werewolf attack because she realized she wouldn't cope with it had she done it; The same can be said with Marty had he thought of it. It definitely is a bold decision to let the world end rather than accept a sacrifice, but it again makes the story fitting to remind us of free will because it wouldn't be their choice had they went along with something so big to comprehend. Had the others lasted as long, they like would've made the same decision. The whole point of it was for the hope to begin a new generation for others to have a choice. If that ends up happening in this dystopia, then it would all be worth it. If not, then at least it was worth trying because you never know until you do. With that being said, I hope that world gets that chance should it be possible. This movie may be a blast, but there were quite a few head scratching moments upon rewatching. For instance, why the hell would Dana leave the window open while she was changing? I know sex sells in a movie, but she doesn’t know she’s in one and it would be on her if a peeping Tom would spot her. Also, why would there be a new security hire out of Daniel Truman on the annual ritual? I know the US was confident in success, but there should still some kind of precaution in hiring anyone on an important day. I was surprised when Curt dies the way he does, but it would’ve extra surprising if they didn’t show the eagle get killed from the force field. And the intern should’ve picked way in advance on what he wanted bet on if he knew the maintenance crew was gonna pick the Buckners annually. And why exactly does Jules stop herself from wearing the necklace? Imagine how compelling it’d be to see a killer bride attack simultaneously with the Buckners. Also, how does no one bet on demons as shown in the betting pool? There is no for any horror fan to not pick that since we’ve gotten possession classics like The Exorcist franchise. The same can be said with the Deadites from Evil Dead that were also on the board. It is funny when Hadley dies from a merman but if he wanted to see one so bad, there should be an option to see it in the elevator via camera. If that ain’t an option, that’s kinda absurd because the technicians need to know what they’re using. That would honestly be dumber than him forgetting he can drug the group to split up the way Sitterson instantly does. Hell, I honestly think they still should’ve their drugs to make sure the Buckners didn’t struggle in killing Marty if he was already unconscious. And why was Curt so quiet until he ran towards Marty? That shouldn’t be possible no matter how much you want the jumpscare to work. What even tripped me out more than Curt being sure Marty was out for the count was the fact Holden still being able when a Buckner grabbed him from behind with a bear trap. The blood loss should’ve made him collapse especially if no one was gonna tend to those wounds. The same can be said when Marty got stabbed from behind with a freaking trowel. Now I am still firm with the fact all the monsters coming out of the elevator is an iconic scene, but why the hell would it be an option to release them all at once? That design flaw is dumber than having only one security guard at the elevator. Had there been more right then and there, the world would’ve been saved the way everyone wanted. Hell, it’s even a surprise how fast Dana figured out how to use the remote system on the first try. Ignore these issues, then you’ll still have a blast as much as I have. In conclusion, The Cabin in the Woods is a fantastic horror film for opening our minds in the most crazy way possible. If you like the stuff that shocks you, see this now.